Cultivating Confidence

“If you want to improve your self-worth, stop giving other people the calculator.” - Tim Fargo

I truly believe confidence is something that ANYONE can, and should, create for themselves. No matter your past, your looks, your job... it is up to you and nobody else to improve your confidence. But first, what EXACTLY is confidence?

Confidence is the feeling of being sure of yourself and your abilities — not in an arrogant way (there is a fine line between the 2), but in a secure and realistic way. When distinguishing confidence from arrogance, there is a very fine line, and often lies in the eyes of the beholder.

Confidence isn’t about feeling like you’re “better” than or superior to others, rather it’s a subtle inner knowledge that YOU are capable. Conversely, arrogance is typically characterized through an exaggerated sense of one’s importance or abilities.

“Arrogance is about thinking you’re the only one that matters, winner take all. You’re the only star. Confidence still leaves room for others to shine, too.”

—Aimee Daramus, PsyD

There are various differences between the two, but perhaps the most fundamental difference is that arrogance tends to mask insecurity. Ultimately, arrogance repels and confidence attracts and is CONTAGIOUS!!! Confident people inspire us and make us want to develop our own sense of confidence.

Henry Ford had a REALLY good point when he said:

“Whether you think you can, or think you can’t — you’re right.”

He was alluding to the fact that your mentality has an incredibly powerful effect on your ability to succeed by manifesting those thoughts. So, yes, I do believe that EVERYONE has the ability to learn to be confident. Today, I'm sharing 5 things you can start doing TODAY to build yourself into a confident, strong-willed, empowered, independent you.

These are all things YOU control. You have the power. You have the "calculator.”

1. Change Your Language

I'm not just talking about the things you actually say out loud, but the thoughts you think, too. Start simple: if you're not looking forward to the work week, change "I have to go to work" into "I get to go to work" (because you're thankful you have a job and income). Or, if you're going through a rough patch, change "I'm going through something" into "I'm growing through something" (because you are learning a valuable lesson, even if you can't see it yet).

2. Say “No” When You Need To

Even if your friends are begging you to go out with them, you can say no if you simply need some "you" time after a long week. If someone at works asks if you have time to help them with something (but you simply do not because you have a ton of work on your plate already), politely say no. We are not machines, and sometimes we don't have the capacity for extra obligations. Overcommitting and saying "yes" to anything and everything can get extremely exhausting, and you deserve to REST!

3. Face Things Head-on Instead of Avoiding Them!

Have you been avoiding a task lately, maybe because you know it will be tedious? Or maybe you've been avoiding the gym because it's been a while since you've worked out, and you might have a tough workout? Things will NOT get easier if you keep procrastinating or dodging whatever that thing is. In fact, you might get more and more stressed as time goes. But things CAN get easier once you get over the hump of just doing it. Starting is always the hardest part...and I bet you'll kill it!

4. Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

Comparing yourself to someone else is incredibly limiting. It’s EXHAUSTING when you’re constantly sizing people up and worrying about whether or not you’re going to measure up to every single person you meet. Comparing yourself to others can potentially be self-destructive. When you stop comparing between people and focus internally, you start being better at what really matters: being you. Your energy will be geared towards becoming a better version of yourself without caring about what other people are doing. I can almost guarantee that you will feel happier and more free.

5. Find Your Happiness From Within

Last, but certainly not least, is your happiness. Happiness is a crucial element of confidence — to be confident in what you do, you have to first be happy with WHO you are. People who are overflowing with confidence find their sense of satisfaction from their own accomplishments or abilities, rather than worrying about what other people think of their accomplishments. If you are constantly relying on others to provide you with happiness, you will be let down at some point. Once you start looking for it and finding it within, you’ll feel a deeper sense of pleasure and satisfaction.

Try to keep tabs on these things for a full week. Journal about it if you'd like! I think (well, know) you'll feel so much lighter yet stronger after some practice.

You're setting boundaries for yourself, while also expanding what you CAN do, and proving to yourself & others that you know who YOU are.